What if you stopped asking what you should do?
I’ve been noticing how often the question “What should I do?” can become the starting point when we’re faced with a difficult decision.
We ask ourselves what makes sense, what other people would expect, what the sensible choice is, or what we should be doing by now. And sometimes, underneath all of that thinking, there’s another question waiting to be heard:
What do I actually want?
I think it can be surprisingly difficult to separate what we genuinely want from what we’ve learned to believe we should want. So this article I wanted to explore what might happen if, just for a moment, we put the word should aside — and became a little more curious about what we really feel, need and want for ourselves.
Because sometimes clarity doesn’t come from thinking harder. It comes from listening differently.
“What should I do?”
It's one of the questions we ask most often when we're uncertain.
Should I stay?
Should I leave?
Should I take the job?
Should I move?
Should I call them?
Should I say something?
We look for answers because uncertainty is uncomfortable.
But what if “What should I do?” isn't always the most useful question?
Try these alternative questions instead
What do I actually want?
What am I afraid will happen if I choose it?
What would I choose if I knew I couldn't disappoint anyone?
What choice feels most aligned with the person I'm becoming?
What am I already aware of, but avoiding?
What could I do, rather than what 'should' I do?
These questions take us somewhere different. Instead of looking outside ourselves for the correct answer, they bring us back into relationship with ourselves.
Your answer may not be logical
Sometimes the answer doesn't make perfect sense on paper. You can have ten logical reasons to stay and one quiet feeling telling you it's time to go. Or ten reasons to leave and something inside you saying, not yet. This doesn't mean intuition should replace reason.
I think we need both.
Our thinking helps us understand the possibilities. Our intuition helps us understand what feels true.The work is learning how to listen to both.
When we're emotionally involved in something, it can be incredibly difficult to see clearly.
That's where another perspective can help. Not someone to tell you what to do.
Someone to help you slow down, untangle the thoughts, recognise the patterns and hear your own voice again.
That's the kind of space I aim to create through counselling and coaching. Because I don't believe you need me to give you the answer. I want to help you find the answer that belongs to you.
If you're sitting with a decision or feeling uncertain about your next step, you're welcome to reach out.
With warmth,
Adria
