Why do we stay when something no longer feels right?
Why do we stay?
Why do we stay in relationships that no longer feel right. In jobs that drain us. In friendships that have changed. In patterns we know aren't good for us. Sometimes we stay because we’re afraid. But often it's more complicated than that.
Familiar doesn't always mean right
Our nervous system tends to prefer what it knows. Even when something isn't particularly good for us, familiarity can feel safer than uncertainty. We know how this works. We know what to expect. We know who we are in this situation. Change means stepping into the unknown. And the unknown can be terrifying.
Then there are all the other reasons:
What if I regret it? What will other people think? What if I hurt someone? What if I can't manage on my own? What if things don't get better?
Sometimes we aren't staying because we want the situation. We're staying because we're scared of what comes after it. Sometimes we mistake what feels familliar with what feels safe.
Try asking a different question Instead of asking:“Should I leave?”
Try asking: “What is keeping me here?”
And be curious about the answer.
Is it love? ..... Fear? ..... Loyalty? .... Guilt? ..... Security? ..... Habit? .... Hope?
Sometimes simply identifying what's really holding us in place creates a little more freedom.
You don't have to make the decision today
One of the things I often remind people is that clarity doesn't always come from making a decision quickly.
Sometimes we need to understand ourselves first.
What do I need?
What have I outgrown?
What am I afraid of?
What would staying cost me?
What would leaving ask of me?
Who am I becoming?
Sometimes the decision becomes much clearer once we understand the person making it and the reasons why.
With warmth,
Adria
If you're navigating a relationship, career or life situation that no longer feels quite right, counselling can provide a space to explore it without judgement or someone else telling you what you should do.
